TV shows, food and visitors
Nov. 7 2003
Well, I will tell you. Now, I know that I have been a little lax on the email sending. If I was one of those professional, punctual or proficient persons who periodically posted and proscribed every point and procedure, I feel that you might be particularly bored. So, like all good things, I make you wait. Letting the anticipation build to a point of near combustion. Now that I have you salivating for the juicy gossip I have to unleash, I advise you to sit back and hold on to you seats because we are in for a wild ride.
I last left you in a near state of pandemonium, in which I had just barely escaped from the cold desolate grasslands of Inner Mongolia. After almost being Shanghai'ed, I triumphedly returned to Beijing with trumpets blazing and banners flying high. Having felt that if I fell into a routine of school, study and other such tedious affairs, I would certainly be knocked off my pedestal of euphoria. I decided to do something a bit dramatic. As you may remember, I came to China for three reasons: 1. To become fluent in Chinese 2. To get one step closer to attaining my millions 3. To get my own Television show on Central China Television. You might at first hawk at my bold brash statements but I assure you that I am determined to attain my goals. So confident, that upon my return toBeijing
My television show is called "The Lost American". As you may guess, I am the lost American. To this very moment I am still lost and have no clue where I am. The shows concept is based upon the wild popularity of reality television (which I do surely miss), which China lacks. Imagine The Tom Green Show mixed with Wild On, spiced with Insomniac and kicked up a notch by Jackass. Basically the show would involve me doing some crazy stuff.
Here I was face to face with a six foot security guard holding a rifle telling him in English, "I want a television show". It was only after much yelling, a little bribery and a phone call that they let me through the main gate. However, I was only to be dissappointed because unfortunately all the producers were still on the National Holiday. But my complaining was not in vain; in the end, I was the victor because I gained the phone numbers and email addresses of the producer who could give me the show. By very chance, after 3 weeks of waiting they responded back to me today. One billion Chinese will soon be watching my smiling face.
I broke down and went to Mcdonalds. You might think poorly of me but it was the most delicious meal I have had in China to date. Those salty transfatty acid artery clogging french fries sent me to cloud nine. I could write a sonnet on the beauty of a McChicken Sandwich. After Mcd's, I said the hell with Chinese food, pizza hut here I come. That was a delicious bite of Americana. After a large supreme pizza with my parents, my body was in a state of paralysis. I couldn't even wipe my tomato sauce smeared lips. Thank the heavens for Ray Kroc.
As I mentioned before, my parents came to visit me in china. I believe that China left quite an impression on my folks. One event especially characterizes not only their trip but most of the Walcutt clan's adventures. One day, my parents gave me a call and told me they were in China. I was very excited. I wanted them to experience the real deal. I did some research and found what I thought could be the coolest thing in Beijing--an Underground city. Built in the height of the cold war, this archaic monument to communism and fear was definitely going to blow my parents away. As we dove into the innards of this subterranean metropolis, we all realized one thing. This city sucked. The never-ending hallways leading to abandoned rooms, the asbestos and poor lighting was not worth 20 kuai. The one thing that was enjoyable was the lack of tourists. Like most Walcutt vacations--high expectations quashed, followed by cynical quibble.
One last thing before I depart to begin my weekend routine. I hope that your Halloween was enjoyable. This year I was an american in communist attire. I had my cool communist coat and one of those russian hats. Underneath, I had my "I love NY" tee shirt. Under the skin of every socialist lies a blue blood american capitalist. Especially in china.
Well, I will tell you. Now, I know that I have been a little lax on the email sending. If I was one of those professional, punctual or proficient persons who periodically posted and proscribed every point and procedure, I feel that you might be particularly bored. So, like all good things, I make you wait. Letting the anticipation build to a point of near combustion. Now that I have you salivating for the juicy gossip I have to unleash, I advise you to sit back and hold on to you seats because we are in for a wild ride.
I last left you in a near state of pandemonium, in which I had just barely escaped from the cold desolate grasslands of Inner Mongolia. After almost being Shanghai'ed, I triumphedly returned to Beijing with trumpets blazing and banners flying high. Having felt that if I fell into a routine of school, study and other such tedious affairs, I would certainly be knocked off my pedestal of euphoria. I decided to do something a bit dramatic. As you may remember, I came to China for three reasons: 1. To become fluent in Chinese 2. To get one step closer to attaining my millions 3. To get my own Television show on Central China Television. You might at first hawk at my bold brash statements but I assure you that I am determined to attain my goals. So confident, that upon my return to
My television show is called "The Lost American". As you may guess, I am the lost American. To this very moment I am still lost and have no clue where I am. The shows concept is based upon the wild popularity of reality television (which I do surely miss), which China lacks. Imagine The Tom Green Show mixed with Wild On, spiced with Insomniac and kicked up a notch by Jackass. Basically the show would involve me doing some crazy stuff.
Here I was face to face with a six foot security guard holding a rifle telling him in English, "I want a television show". It was only after much yelling, a little bribery and a phone call that they let me through the main gate. However, I was only to be dissappointed because unfortunately all the producers were still on the National Holiday. But my complaining was not in vain; in the end, I was the victor because I gained the phone numbers and email addresses of the producer who could give me the show. By very chance, after 3 weeks of waiting they responded back to me today. One billion Chinese will soon be watching my smiling face.
I broke down and went to Mcdonalds. You might think poorly of me but it was the most delicious meal I have had in China to date. Those salty transfatty acid artery clogging french fries sent me to cloud nine. I could write a sonnet on the beauty of a McChicken Sandwich. After Mcd's, I said the hell with Chinese food, pizza hut here I come. That was a delicious bite of Americana. After a large supreme pizza with my parents, my body was in a state of paralysis. I couldn't even wipe my tomato sauce smeared lips. Thank the heavens for Ray Kroc.
As I mentioned before, my parents came to visit me in china. I believe that China left quite an impression on my folks. One event especially characterizes not only their trip but most of the Walcutt clan's adventures. One day, my parents gave me a call and told me they were in China. I was very excited. I wanted them to experience the real deal. I did some research and found what I thought could be the coolest thing in Beijing--an Underground city. Built in the height of the cold war, this archaic monument to communism and fear was definitely going to blow my parents away. As we dove into the innards of this subterranean metropolis, we all realized one thing. This city sucked. The never-ending hallways leading to abandoned rooms, the asbestos and poor lighting was not worth 20 kuai. The one thing that was enjoyable was the lack of tourists. Like most Walcutt vacations--high expectations quashed, followed by cynical quibble.
One last thing before I depart to begin my weekend routine. I hope that your Halloween was enjoyable. This year I was an american in communist attire. I had my cool communist coat and one of those russian hats. Underneath, I had my "I love NY" tee shirt. Under the skin of every socialist lies a blue blood american capitalist. Especially in china.
posted by Jason | 2:58 PM
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