Why are Beijing security guards useless?

April 12, 2004

Hello Ese,

An understatement of understatements would be to believe that the last few weeks have been uninteresting. After returning to the land of over a billion tea cups, the realization dawned on me: China was not the same place as it was when I first arrived. For some, this might not be an important precedent, but for me, it was monumental.

For example, I am living in CHINA which is a truly wacky place. There once was a feeling of awed peculiarity. Every action was followed by a sense of astonishment. The simple act of eating at the local jiao zi (dumpling) restaurant was a sensory overload. The sounds, smells and sights were overwhelming. Now that feeling is gone. At first I mourned, but then I accepted the transition.

The evolution has even rewarded me with some perks. No longer am I lost in the language. Granted I am far from great, but I can get by. My language level is that of a 7 year old--I can talk about my wants and needs. My goal is that of a 13 year old girl--where I can talk about my feelings, emotions and gossip (lots of gossip). Furthermore, now that there seems to be a semi-permanency in my time in China, new and exciting opportunities are opening up every day. For example, tomorrow I go to have an interview for becoming a fashion model and by the end of the week, I might just be buying a Vespa scooter to be part of a scooter gang.

There is even a feeling of disconnectedness from America. I feel as though I am a veteran of China. I have been through the shit and back again; now I would even dare to call myself an expatriate. But there is still daily struggle and constant self-analysis. Routine is the last thing I need. Although I am no longer the Lost American; I am nonetheless still lost.

So it is with a furrowed brow and a wink in the eye, I get back to business in Asia. As Confucious once said, "Qian li zhi xing, shi yu zu xia" (Every long journey starts with one step) I leap into round 2.

Sincerely listening to Chinese pop music,


Jason